You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
