I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
