At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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