it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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