I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
