I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think i have herpe
just one?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
