she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
