what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
