My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
