Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
