you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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