i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
