no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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