Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
