we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
