I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
