Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You made out with two different species that night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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