Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its liver damage thursday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
