garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize