He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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