I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drunk is not a location!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
