It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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