Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
