btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
