I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
