Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
