so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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