TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm like, not good at living.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
