matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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