Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
