Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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