3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
