My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
