trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
