Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
