Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
