even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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