i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
