Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
