just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
