I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
