i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
