Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
