I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
