why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
