dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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