It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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