Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
