Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
