Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
