Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
