I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize