she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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