mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
