God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
