I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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