hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
