Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
