Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
