just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
