I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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