even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
