White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
