And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize