So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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