He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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