At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she told me i tasted like america
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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